Sunday, March 30, 2014

The Insanity of Chickens

Chickens can and will take you down if you let them get close enough. They group up in secret underground bases formulating plans somehow without communicating, they follow the human into a closed off area, then they gang up on that person suddenly and it's all over in a horrible and unforeseen way. You might be thinking, well this is just insane. And it is. It's the Insanity of Chickens.

Chickens have a gigantic network of tunnels under every major region they numerously live in, usually rural. There are many different kinds of room in each one, and hundreds of rooms in total.
Most of the floor space is occupied by tunnels, which aren't supported by much and sometimes break down. One particularly weird thing (and almost a sad thought) about these chickens is that if they are in a tunnel that starts collapsing, they will lie down and openly accept their death. This kills some chickens every week, but not enough.

The rooms don't have names, humans haven't even labelled them yet. Each room is like a dirt cavern about 10 metres wide and very much tall enough for the chickens to stand in. One kind is full of posters and human junk which isn't hugely valuable to us, but that the chickens relish in keeping after they seize them in any of their various raids. Usually they put a Rubik's Cube in the middle, and nobody knows why.
There's a type of room full of food, and then eventually the opposite of food. These have temporary supports than can easily be taken down in a heartbeat when necessary. So that the area collapses entirely with no casualties. One might think this landfill sort of thing would be helpful to the environment, but it's not. Even if the chickens would want to do this kind of good, there's a complicated yet definitive scientific reason why this action is actually harmful to the ecosystem.
Some rooms are just completely empty aside from the fire lighting that is in all rooms. One theory is that a chicken enters one when they want to think.

I was unlucky enough to stay at a town during the week when chickens raids were in effect. I was staying with a friend in a house in the middle of the street, which had been rented out to us. A small group of chickens was progressively breaking through the neighborhood from the south. As they muscled north people were gradually becoming more alert, and when the chickens were done with 15 houses a news report finally went on air. I was not at the house when it was broadcasting. Eventually my friend and I found it; we were looking through earlier TV events that were automatically recorded by our machine, but by then it was almost too late.
3 minutes before we would have been ready to leave, windows started breaking. The house seemed to shake as our enemy jumped in. But somehow there was only one chicken left. The glass in the house was very hard, so later we thought that maybe all but one chicken couldn't get through and/or died from the impact. The chicken broke through the window nearest to us and went straight for my friend's face. They made his face bleed, but he reacted quickly and reached out to the chicken, snapping the neck.
Then the biggest threat was dead, but we had to move. Not only did my friend need medical care, but soon enough more chickens would come back for more raids after not seeing back from their first squadron.

No comments:

Post a Comment