Thursday, October 16, 2014

Moving On

I think I have to change some things about this blog. First, I'm going to delete three posts that I think are not a good idea to have on The Internet. I had some rough times about 3 years ago, but that stuff has to stay confidential.

However, some of my posts have been all about what was going on in my head. Looking at them now, they seem amazing to me. I'm going to keep the posts that don't disturb me too much, because I don't want to delete anything with great artistic value to it, like the post about the missing arm.

The problem is that when I think about these posts and how to write them, I think too hard and remember things that were not meant to be remembered. It disturbs me. So I'm going to go off writing about things from 2011, and probably let Alternate Science stagnate until I can think of more writing material. I'm sorry I didn't post at least once a month like I said I would. But who reads this blog?

And formatting this blog is hard. I have to carefully edit the HTML to stop posts from looking wrong.

Thursday, July 31, 2014

A Bunch of Universes

It's all over now. There is nothing to do and no way to live. Several universes are lined up in some kind of dark area where nothing else exists. They used to just sit here with no connection, but now that somebody has jumped from time to time, creating new parts of a universe inside another, they are linked.



The timelines have taken their path through one universe to another. Everything is now dependent on its neighbor to exist.
But this realm is being destroyed. The reality of space has been torn apart and is no longer stable. The Universe begins to glow red and shrink into its death with a horrible squealing sound.




Now I am sure everything is done for. Every piece of existence is connected. When The Universe collapses, every universe tied to it will shrivel up and die in sequence.

Sunday, March 30, 2014

The Insanity of Chickens

Chickens can and will take you down if you let them get close enough. They group up in secret underground bases formulating plans somehow without communicating, they follow the human into a closed off area, then they gang up on that person suddenly and it's all over in a horrible and unforeseen way. You might be thinking, well this is just insane. And it is. It's the Insanity of Chickens.

Chickens have a gigantic network of tunnels under every major region they numerously live in, usually rural. There are many different kinds of room in each one, and hundreds of rooms in total.
Most of the floor space is occupied by tunnels, which aren't supported by much and sometimes break down. One particularly weird thing (and almost a sad thought) about these chickens is that if they are in a tunnel that starts collapsing, they will lie down and openly accept their death. This kills some chickens every week, but not enough.


The rooms don't have names, humans haven't even labelled them yet. Each room is like a dirt cavern about 10 metres wide and very much tall enough for the chickens to stand in. One kind is full of posters and human junk which isn't hugely valuable to us, but that the chickens relish in keeping after they seize them in any of their various raids. Usually they put a Rubik's Cube in the middle, and nobody knows why.
There's a type of room full of food, and then eventually the opposite of food. These have temporary supports than can easily be taken down in a heartbeat when necessary. So that the area collapses entirely with no casualties. One might think this landfill sort of thing would be helpful to the environment, but it's not. Even if the chickens would want to do this kind of good, there's a complicated yet definitive scientific reason why this action is actually harmful to the ecosystem.
Some rooms are just completely empty aside from the fire lighting that is in all rooms. One theory is that a chicken enters one when they want to think.

I was unlucky enough to stay at a town during the week when chickens raids were in effect. I was staying with a friend in a house in the middle of the street, which had been rented out to us. A small group of chickens was progressively breaking through the neighborhood from the south. As they muscled north people were gradually becoming more alert, and when the chickens were done with 15 houses a news report finally went on air. I was not at the house when it was broadcasting. Eventually my friend and I found it; we were looking through earlier TV events that were automatically recorded by our machine, but by then it was almost too late.
3 minutes before we would have been ready to leave, windows started breaking. The house seemed to shake as our enemy jumped in. But somehow there was only one chicken left. The glass in the house was very hard, so later we thought that maybe all but one chicken couldn't get through and/or died from the impact. The chicken broke through the window nearest to us and went straight for my friend's face. They made his face bleed, but he reacted quickly and reached out to the chicken, snapping the neck.
Then the biggest threat was dead, but we had to move. Not only did my friend need medical care, but soon enough more chickens would come back for more raids after not seeing back from their first squadron.

Wednesday, February 26, 2014

Understatements

Let me tell you a story about an event that was understated.

An alien by the name of Gogud lived on a planet 100 light years away from ours, which was not very close to Earth. He was only 24 centimeters in height, so he wasn't the tallest person around. He had blue eyes and orange skin, which isn't really the most common appearance that aliens typically have. His house had a cracked roof, and not very much heating, that the walls would have provided if it was a slightly better house. Rain was always leaking in and Gogud was not very warm at night, so these weren't the best living conditions.
The sun he lived under was a red giant, putting most things under a red light. The sun was not very small in the sky and the red light didn't look so good on the purple grass.
Gogud's right leg was a bit shorter than his left leg, so his way of walking was not so good. As he tried to walk to his well he fell over and hit the ground with a force of 12 newtons, which was a bit painful.
Then the sun started expanding, and the red glow covered everything. Soon it would engulf the planet, superheating it until it completely melted and became nothing, which Gogud realized would not feel so good.
You might say he didn't like that.


...

What the hell is wrong with people? How did it get this bad? People in real life are constantly watering down their explanations about bad things that happen, people who are disadvantaged, and even the quality of something they bought. If something sucks, say it sucks. Nobody should be offended when you tell them that a hammer you just bought is useless or too heavy. If you have a kid who violently retches upon eating a certain food, or dreads meeting a certain person, do NOT tell anybody that they 'don't like it'. Obviously they hate the person, food or other thing. Understatements can and will confuse people into not doing something or thinking a problem isn't as bad as it really is.
So tell the truth... Unless it's too brutal, you gotta worry about that a bit.

Friday, January 31, 2014

New Words and Terms

There are a lot of confusing and baffling words and phrases in English. Sometimes people get upset or mocked because they didn't understand basic connotations and implications of something they were unlucky enough to unwittingly say. Sometimes a single word will have way too many meanings. I have made these words up because I honestly think The English Language could use them.

Tweedil
(Rhymes with "needle".)
Do you love being around somebody? Are you dating that person? If so for both questions, he or she is your tweedil! Congratulations.
Tweedil is a replacement for 'boyfriend' and 'girlfriend' that can refer to any other person of the same species regardless of gender, race, and sexuality.
(Let's use a non-specific female person as the example, for simplicity of language.)

The rules are that first, you must be (at least mostly) the same species as her. If you are an ant, so be it, date an ant and she is your tweedil.
Secondly, you must be dating the person. If you are not dating but you still want her, she is your "aspired tweedil".
Thirdly, you must enjoy her company. She has to like you, or you are not her tweedil. You have to like her, or she is not your tweedil.
However, even if she doesn't necessarily feel as good about you, you can still consider her to be your tweedil, as long as you dig her (which might be an unhealthy relationship).
If you are lucky, any tweedil of yours that you marry will stay that way, and you'll never dislike her.
Forgetting all that, you could date several other humans at the same time and if all of them collectively liked each other, you got a pile of tweedils. Well done. Typically that's called polyamory, but it looks a lot better in this paragraph.
Also, forget gender. Two men could be each other's tweedils. Two women could be as well. If you're a snail, you happen to be in luck because Tweedil supports hermaphrodites too. Real love doesn't give a flying fuck about gender.
I want this word to become a thing because not only does 'girlfriend' not have a strong enough meaning, but because you can no longer say "I have a girl friend" without people thinking you are dating. Some people just want to mention their friend's gender while associating them into their social circle.

Nout 

(Ryhmes with "put".)
In this Nout, you are reading these words on the screen. You refer to this Nout as real life. Oddly enough, however, people in movies like Kick-Ass refer to their own Nout as real life.
On TVtropes, that is referred to as This Is Real Life.
"Fictional reality" is a contradiction. The word nout more specifically refers to the field of objects and events in a life than 'reality' ever would. Nout can refer to fictional 'universes' without confusing its own meaning, unlike the word 'reality'.
Nout is the world that a timeline takes place in, fictional or not. Dragon Ball Z has a Nout. Adventure Time has a Nout. In the Nout of Adventure Time, there is only one human left.
In fiction, any Nout other than the main one is commonly referred to as an 'alternate reality' or 'alternate universe'. Nout does not typically refer specifically to timelines.
Sometimes people wonder if the Nout in which you are reading this sentence is actually the real nout or a computer simulation.
 
Zorways
(Ryhmes with "Norway's".)

This one is a little more difficult to explain. See that screen in front of you? It's more than 10 centimeters wide. Zorways is how much space it takes up - in the other horizontal direction. So if you're reading this on a laptop with an already established width, chances are that your monitor is less than 3 centimeters Zorways. The reason I have come up with this term is that 'sideways' is too inspecific. Sideways itself can easily mean forwards in relation to a human or left and right in the same sentence.
If you say a 2x3x5 board is 5 units long, the other directions are height (obvious) and the zorwards direction; 2 units Zorways. If a tunnel through a mountain is 14 meters across, you must travel zorwards to go through it. But you must use a measurement with "wide" or "long" (etc) before zorways comes up. Height doesn't change the meaning of zorways measurements, EVER. Hopefully this will eliminate lots of confusion some day.

Collert
(No fully rhyming example. It starts with the col pronounced like the start of "collar" and end pronounced like the last three letters of "alert".)
"I got collert." This is what you should say when you're on the Internet and you are unsure about the meaning of a message or comment sent to you, but you think it had hurtful intentions.

This is important, because a lot of the time, no offense was actually intended. Collert is the feeling you get, not the objective action. You can only say that you got Collert if the comment was directed to you.
If a man comments on a video pointing out an irritating flaw, it is wise to ask if he meant to give the owner collert.
"ur videos suck noob" That kind of comment should generate collert in anybody and must be expunged immediately.