Wednesday, August 4, 2010


There is more to the Pythagoras Theorem than simple geometry. While some people say some crap about it being the fact that the longest side of a right angle triangle squared is equal to the sum of the other two sides squared, at Alternations Inc. we believe that this is bull; our science is superior.
Utter, bullshit.  
They should feel ashamed of themselves.

The truth is that Pythagoras was a truly awesome man. During his time in Italy he sought to escape from a cruel ruler, by the name of Oktubus Dun Hoomer. Right before he was kinged, he asserted that an exclamation mark be added to his name to show authority and strike fear into the peasants and slaves. But he also made sure that the punctuation would be removed at his death, to stop him from looking like a douche-bag in the afterlife. Since he had been already princed automatically at birth, he had some power before then.
Pythagoras hated the idea of an exclamation mark being added to a famous name so badly, that he fled to south Italy, just south of where Oktubus ruled over.

(Side note: Nobody actually cared much about the peasants and slaves. They were just horses, chickens and other useful domestic pet animals. The villagers are a different story however. They were humans, and they were deep in the shit.)

Then, a few years later, King Oktubus decided to put his name completely into capitals. Pythagoras was infuriated, so he decided to come up with some mathematical formulas and battle plans to ensure that the king was destroyed.
Take this diagram here. It shows the one battle plan that was not rejected. It involved throwing dynamite into Oktubus' bedroom window. Because as you see, Oktubus spent his mornings ridiculously dressing in drag, pretending to be some kind of story character. The 'Rage' axis shows how angry Pythagoras is. His distance from the tower was dependent on his rage. After formulating this idea, he immediately put it into practice. Sure enough, he freed the land from terrible punctuation. He destroyed a few grand worth of architecture but history still likes him.