The Origin of Earth

A famous geologist named Frakhower De-Bueskat once said to his client "You see, all the world is made from crumbs, with varying levels of mould and staleness." When questioned, he explained that there was no need to include colour in his phrasing, seeing as that was based solely on the potency of the mould. However, that was not the question that the client had actually asked. In fact, he didn't even finish his question. There are still debates about what he meant to ask, although it is clear that what he did manage to say before being interrupted was "Why do you-".

Historians believe in a wide range of things that he meant to say, such as 'Why do you act like such a crazy batshit motherfucker?"

In Frakhower's theory, staleness dictates how hard an object is, while the mouldiness makes the substance less solid and determines what colour the substance is. So even with chocolate, old bread is what the block is made out of. In later years, however, a question was brought to the attention of a pessimist chemist: "If the world is made of bread, then what the fuck is bread?"

This simple question started the 30 year old scientific mystery that is known as the What The Fuck is Bread Debate which has remained unsolved until recently, no more than 3 years ago today. In 2007, a scientist theorised that bread was made from fresh particles which had been recently created at the edge of space, and was later proven correct by newfound bread meteorites which form 'at the end of time'. This, coupled with the 2 pages of self-contradictory rules that explain how they get to Earth so fast, can utterly blow the mind of a weak minded creature. That is why dogs die when they eat chocolate. They just can't handle the fucking extreme complexities of the seemingly impossible explanation behind the matter that they are eating. "It's just too FUCKING HARD. I'm going to sleep."

So next time you get bread, keep it in an oven. You'll be able to extract sweet ass gold ore.