Friday, January 31, 2014

New Words and Terms

There are a lot of confusing and baffling words and phrases in English. Sometimes people get upset or mocked because they didn't understand basic connotations and implications of something they were unlucky enough to unwittingly say. Sometimes a single word will have way too many meanings. I have made these words up because I honestly think The English Language could use them.

(Rhymes with "needle".)
Do you love being around somebody? Are you dating that person? If so for both questions, he or she is your tweedil! Congratulations.
Tweedil is a replacement for 'boyfriend' and 'girlfriend' that can refer to any other person of the same species regardless of gender, race, and sexuality.
(Let's use a non-specific female person as the example, for simplicity of language.)

The rules are that first, you must be (at least mostly) the same species as her. If you are an ant, so be it, date an ant and she is your tweedil.
Secondly, you must be dating the person. If you are not dating but you still want her, she is your "aspired tweedil".
Thirdly, you must enjoy her company. She has to like you, or you are not her tweedil. You have to like her, or she is not your tweedil.
However, even if she doesn't necessarily feel as good about you, you can still consider her to be your tweedil, as long as you dig her (which might be an unhealthy relationship).
If you are lucky, any tweedil of yours that you marry will stay that way, and you'll never dislike her.
Forgetting all that, you could date several other humans at the same time and if all of them collectively liked each other, you got a pile of tweedils. Well done. Typically that's called polyamory, but it looks a lot better in this paragraph.
Also, forget gender. Two men could be each other's tweedils. Two women could be as well. If you're a snail, you happen to be in luck because Tweedil supports hermaphrodites too. Real love doesn't give a flying fuck about gender.
I want this word to become a thing because not only does 'girlfriend' not have a strong enough meaning, but because you can no longer say "I have a girl friend" without people thinking you are dating. Some people just want to mention their friend's gender while associating them into their social circle.


(Ryhmes with "put".)
In this Nout, you are reading these words on the screen. You refer to this Nout as real life. Oddly enough, however, people in movies like Kick-Ass refer to their own Nout as real life.
On TVtropes, that is referred to as This Is Real Life.
"Fictional reality" is a contradiction. The word nout more specifically refers to the field of objects and events in a life than 'reality' ever would. Nout can refer to fictional 'universes' without confusing its own meaning, unlike the word 'reality'.
Nout is the world that a timeline takes place in, fictional or not. Dragon Ball Z has a Nout. Adventure Time has a Nout. In the Nout of Adventure Time, there is only one human left.
In fiction, any Nout other than the main one is commonly referred to as an 'alternate reality' or 'alternate universe'. Nout does not typically refer specifically to timelines.
Sometimes people wonder if the Nout in which you are reading this sentence is actually the real nout or a computer simulation.
(Ryhmes with "Norway's".)

This one is a little more difficult to explain. See that screen in front of you? It's more than 10 centimeters wide. Zorways is how much space it takes up - in the other horizontal direction. So if you're reading this on a laptop with an already established width, chances are that your monitor is less than 3 centimeters Zorways. The reason I have come up with this term is that 'sideways' is too inspecific. Sideways itself can easily mean forwards in relation to a human or left and right in the same sentence.
If you say a 2x3x5 board is 5 units long, the other directions are height (obvious) and the zorwards direction; 2 units Zorways. If a tunnel through a mountain is 14 meters across, you must travel zorwards to go through it. But you must use a measurement with "wide" or "long" (etc) before zorways comes up. Height doesn't change the meaning of zorways measurements, EVER. Hopefully this will eliminate lots of confusion some day.

(No fully rhyming example. It starts with the col pronounced like the start of "collar" and end pronounced like the last three letters of "alert".)
"I got collert." This is what you should say when you're on the Internet and you are unsure about the meaning of a message or comment sent to you, but you think it had hurtful intentions.

This is important, because a lot of the time, no offense was actually intended. Collert is the feeling you get, not the objective action. You can only say that you got Collert if the comment was directed to you.
If a man comments on a video pointing out an irritating flaw, it is wise to ask if he meant to give the owner collert.
"ur videos suck noob" That kind of comment should generate collert in anybody and must be expunged immediately.