The End

That's it. This is the end of The Alternate and Crappier Science.
It's been a long time between the last time I updated this blog and now, and even longer since I posted actual content. I'm pretty over this blog. I'm only proud of like four or more posts at this time. I have quite completely run out of things to post here, and I certainly don't want to post more of that creepy stuff that I went through back in 2011...

Speaking of 2011, remember that post about images that you "won't believe aren't photoshopped" that I made a while back? I was actually trying to make a parody of a certain article series on Cracked by taking advantage of their vulnerable phrasing to create a manipulative logic, commenting on how it was obvious that the audience would not believe in such images being faked, because they obviously weren't.
...Instead, I ended up with a shitty post that confusingly payed homage to a brief stint of mine in a "CFU" back in 2011 during the blackout glitch period of my suffering brain.
Anyway, this blog has basically run out of material to ride on, so I'm going to stop updating it forever. No more posts.
I do plan on making another blog, though! I believe it's going to be a blog on Wordpress about fictional villains, so I hope you look forward to that if you happen to somehow find it in latter days.
Latter days...
Latter days...

Goodbye.

Moving On

I think I have to change some things about this blog. First, I'm going to delete three posts that I think are not a good idea to have on The Internet. I had some rough times about 3 years ago, but that stuff has to stay confidential.

However, some of my posts have been all about what was going on in my head. Looking at them now, they seem amazing to me. I'm going to keep the posts that don't disturb me too much, because I don't want to delete anything with great artistic value to it, like the post about the missing arm.

The problem is that when I think about these posts and how to write them, I think too hard and remember things that were not meant to be remembered. It disturbs me. So I'm going to go off writing about things from 2011, and probably let Alternate Science stagnate until I can think of more writing material. I'm sorry I didn't post at least once a month like I said I would. But who reads this blog?

And formatting this blog is hard. I have to carefully edit the HTML to stop posts from looking wrong.

A Bunch of Universes

It's all over now. There is nothing to do and no way to live. Several universes are lined up in some kind of dark area where nothing else exists. They used to just sit here with no connection, but now that somebody has jumped from time to time, creating new parts of a universe inside another, they are linked.



The timelines have taken their path through one universe to another. Everything is now dependent on its neighbor to exist.
But this realm is being destroyed. The reality of space has been torn apart and is no longer stable. The Universe begins to glow red and shrink into its death with a horrible squealing sound.




Now I am sure everything is done for. Every piece of existence is connected. When The Universe collapses, every universe tied to it will shrivel up and die in sequence.

The Insanity of Chickens

Chickens can and will take you down if you let them get close enough. They group up in secret underground bases formulating plans somehow without communicating, they follow the human into a closed off area, then they gang up on that person suddenly and it's all over in a horrible and unforeseen way. You might be thinking, well this is just insane. And it is. It's the Insanity of Chickens.

Chickens have a gigantic network of tunnels under every major region they numerously live in, usually rural. There are many different kinds of room in each one, and hundreds of rooms in total.
Most of the floor space is occupied by tunnels, which aren't supported by much and sometimes break down. One particularly weird thing (and almost a sad thought) about these chickens is that if they are in a tunnel that starts collapsing, they will lie down and openly accept their death. This kills some chickens every week, but not enough.

The rooms don't have names, humans haven't even labelled them yet. Each room is like a dirt cavern about 10 metres wide and very much tall enough for the chickens to stand in. One kind is full of posters and human junk which isn't hugely valuable to us, but that the chickens relish in keeping after they seize them in any of their various raids. Usually they put a Rubik's Cube in the middle, and nobody knows why.
There's a type of room full of food, and then eventually the opposite of food. These have temporary supports than can easily be taken down in a heartbeat when necessary. So that the area collapses entirely with no casualties. One might think this landfill sort of thing would be helpful to the environment, but it's not. Even if the chickens would want to do this kind of good, there's a complicated yet definitive scientific reason why this action is actually harmful to the ecosystem.
Some rooms are just completely empty aside from the fire lighting that is in all rooms. One theory is that a chicken enters one when they want to think.

I was unlucky enough to stay at a town during the week when chickens raids were in effect. I was staying with a friend in a house in the middle of the street, which had been rented out to us. A small group of chickens was progressively breaking through the neighborhood from the south. As they muscled north people were gradually becoming more alert, and when the chickens were done with 15 houses a news report finally went on air. I was not at the house when it was broadcasting. Eventually my friend and I found it; we were looking through earlier TV events that were automatically recorded by our machine, but by then it was almost too late.
3 minutes before we would have been ready to leave, windows started breaking. The house seemed to shake as our enemy jumped in. But somehow there was only one chicken left. The glass in the house was very hard, so later we thought that maybe all but one chicken couldn't get through and/or died from the impact. The chicken broke through the window nearest to us and went straight for my friend's face. They made his face bleed, but he reacted quickly and reached out to the chicken, snapping the neck.
Then the biggest threat was dead, but we had to move. Not only did my friend need medical care, but soon enough more chickens would come back for more raids after not seeing back from their first squadron.

Understatements

Let me tell you a story about an event that was understated.

An alien by the name of Gogud lived on a planet 100 light years away from ours, which was not very close to Earth. He was only 24 centimeters in height, so he wasn't the tallest person around. He had blue eyes and orange skin, which isn't really the most common appearance that aliens typically have. His house had a cracked roof, and not very much heating, that the walls would have provided if it was a slightly better house. Rain was always leaking in and Gogud was not very warm at night, so these weren't the best living conditions.
The sun he lived under was a red giant, putting most things under a red light. The sun was not very small in the sky and the red light didn't look so good on the purple grass.
Gogud's right leg was a bit shorter than his left leg, so his way of walking was not so good. As he tried to walk to his well he fell over and hit the ground with a force of 12 newtons, which was a bit painful.
Then the sun started expanding, and the red glow covered everything. Soon it would engulf the planet, superheating it until it completely melted and became nothing, which Gogud realized would not feel so good.
You might say he didn't like that.

...

What the hell is wrong with people? How did it get this bad? People in real life are constantly watering down their explanations about bad things that happen, people who are disadvantaged, and even the quality of something they bought. If something sucks, say it sucks. Nobody should be offended when you tell them that a hammer you just bought is useless or too heavy. If you have a kid who violently retches upon eating a certain food, or dreads meeting a certain person, do NOT tell anybody that they 'don't like it'. Obviously they hate the person, food or other thing. Understatements can and will confuse people into not doing something or thinking a problem isn't as bad as it really is.
So tell the truth... Unless it's too brutal, you gotta worry about that a bit.

A Physics Thought

So picture this. There's a large fluffy ball traveling at the speed of light in a straight line right past you. You won't be able to stop it, but it comes by close enough for you to grab it, if you are quick enough.

Now, assuming that this incredibly fast ball doesn't explode or break your fucking arms off, you would have changed its trajectory a little. How cool is that?

Marble Striders

It's about time I updated this blog.

I am going to tell a story about a very strange thing that happened to me one day when I was staying in a mental health ward. I was catatonic there, and it was really serious. I could easily make up some bullshit scientific documents and sightings about this subject - as is the nature of this blog - but I think it's better to just explain the truth, and how I interpreted it.

It was 2011 when I was sitting there. I was in the kitchen having some unremembered conversation with my father. I would probably have been a lot more involved in it if I hadn't been catatonic.

I looked out the window and saw something amazing. It was a walking bathtub.

Quick side-note here, that bathtub wasn't the only thing walking down the hill, there were other people walking on the path as well. If you were ever in New Zealand and saw something like in the picture above, please comment about it.

It was beautiful.

This was a very sad moment in my life, and you could probably say this was a very moving experience. (It was certainly emotional, but probably less than I remember it to be. I was most likely shocked.) I had assumed that it was some kind of undocumented female creature, walking away from the world sadly, as though very disappointed (in me, probably).

Unfortunately I didn't tell anybody about this until it was gone and my dad was leaving. I think he was trying to stop me from looking outside as well. When I told him, he thought there was something wrong (as I've been told), but soon he figured out what was going on.

He found a bathtub in a dumpster. These days we understand what really happened. Basically somebody walked down the hill outside, with an upside down bathtub on his back, with only his legs visible from where I was sitting. I think he was in painting gear.

The significant thing about this was how my psychosis understood this. Due to that clinical insanity, this wasn't just a humorous occurrence; it was a haunting image. 

I still think about those creatures. I've come to refer to them as Marble Striders, and I hope to release a fictional documentary about them some time.

I just need to find a bath tub.